I don’t love it but I don’t hate it either! I am still waiting for my mind to catch up to my body. On another social networking site I posted about it being weird that I look at myself in the mirror or photos and I’m like, “who is this person and damn is she pretty!”
An awesome email response to that which I think all post ops will benefit from:
Its typical of body dysmorphic difficulties. When the body goes through change as swiftly as yours has, the brain can’t keep up. Its the same in the other direction, rapid weight gain causes people to bump into things and so forth because it still “feels” like its smaller, the spatial relation of body in position related to other things…just isn’t there yet. Our neural pathways and perceptions take awhile to form.
There is nothing “wrong” with you so don’t worry too much…but be very physical…let your brain catch up with your body…its not much different than having a “phantom limb” after a person loses part of their anatomy, the brain still feels it. The nerve centers are still very much attached to that missing flesh…it will take awhile for them to continuously NOT get responses from those places before those pathways are cropped and new ones take over. The more you use your body in new ways, the more touch and sensation it feels the more your brain will adjust. Keep looking at that beautiful girl in the mirror, run your hands over her, even more fun let someone else run their hands over you while you watch in the mirror…close your eyes and open them through the process. The more you feed the brain the information from your new body…the more likely it is that it will click quicker!
In a body dysmorphic disorder…its like the anorexic girl that looks in the mirror and sees an obese body…she starves herself…because the image she has in her brain tells her she is huge…it takes time to eradicate those old sensations and thought patterns and ways of “seeing” yourself. It just takes time..I know its got to be strange…but its pretty cool when you look and see that lovely person in the mirror…isn’t it? Smiles…its what you went through all this for…to feel good, be healthier and to see the beautiful girl you knew yourself to be…you were beautiful before…because that comes from the inside…but now its reflected more accurately on the outside as well.
Enjoy the journey of finding yourself again….in your brain…and your body.